“Did you close the sale?”  “Did you pass the test?”  “Did you win the game?” “Did you complete the project?” “Did you make any money on this idea?”

These are all practical and meaningful questions commonly asked in the home, business, and community.

When our children were younger we would at some point over dinner or before bedtime ask them, “What did you learn today?” When they were young, the answers were filled with new observations of the world, facts from school, and insights from friends.  For some reason, asking that to our children now in college and high school gets a glare like we have two heads or something.

However, one of the more thoughtful, caring, and effective questions we can ask ourselves and others is, “What did you learn?”

As we look to continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, reinforcing the importance of individual and shared learning will enable all of us to more effectively continue along a path to reach our full potential.

There is no doubt that the task needs to be completed, money needs to be made, the student needs to pass the test, and winning leads to championships, but it is the learning that builds the foundation for greater impact down the road.

By reprioritizing our discussion to first ask about learning and second ask about the specific result, we accomplish several critical elements to ensure we remain on a productive path to reach our full potential.  Emphasizing learning before accomplishment helps to:

1. Reinforce personal growth and continual, personal growth is the foundation for building a brighter future for us as individuals and for our family, business, and community.
2. Lessen the risk of getting arrogant with great accomplishments while bolstering our ability to remain humble…we always have more to learn, no matter how accomplished we have become.
3. Demonstrate to others we care more about them than the awards on their wall. Ensuring others know that we care far more about them rather than what they have accomplished, we will keep the door open to genuine, healthy, and meaningful relationships.
4. Encourage others to pursue their dreams rather than live in a box defined by the expectations of others. Moving out from under the expectations of others will enable all of us to take greater responsibility for our choices, more fully realize our strengths and weaknesses, develop clarity around our true purpose, and live a life with fewer regrets in the end.

As we continue to place an emphasis on learning, we will build and strengthen our character and our Character Creates Opportunity® to continue to grow, reach our full potential, and be an encouraging voice to those around us.

Our world is full of temptation.  The temptations of fame, fortune, and friends with benefits are all around us.  In addition, there is a world of temptations to relieve the pain of physical ailments, the emotional trauma of relationship struggles, and the anxiety developed out of today’s hyper-stressed environment to have it all.

Many of these temptations, and the individuals who get overwhelmed by them, are well documented in the media and if we are paying close attention, seen around the kitchen table in our homes.

However, the most damaging temptation is the one we keep to ourselves.  The silent temptation that is the genesis of so much heartache, pain, and personal struggle is the temptation to compare ourselves to others.  In our own silent world of comparing ourselves to others, we lose our own identity.  Over time, we struggle to find direction and we often miss our true purpose and passion to reach our full potential.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important that we address what can be called the greatest temptation we will face, the silent temptation to compare ourselves to others.

Despite how many billions of people inhabit the earth, there is none like you or me.  Whether we believe in the scientific rationale, a faith in an all-mighty God, or both, there is no denying the fact that we are uniquely created.  There are no two people in this world that are the same.

It is not just physical differences, but also our experiences and how we see the world as a result of those experiences that makes us unique.  There is no value in making a judgment of better or worse about these experiences and points of view.  There is tremendous value in acknowledging and valuing our own individual differences and the differences of those around us.

When we give in to the silent temptation of comparing ourselves to others, we begin to diminish the strength of our uniqueness.

• When we silently judge our self-worth based on a relative scale of those around us, we diminish the strength of our uniqueness.
• When we silently rate our home-life based on what we see in the homes of others, we diminish the strength our unique family environment.
• When we silently assess our career based on others, we diminish the strength our unique learning journey.

Our greatest risk in this world is that we fall short of our potential.  Becoming overwhelmed with the temptation to compare ourselves to others is the gateway to a life that falls short of our potential.

When we give in to the silent temptation to compare ourselves to others, we chase a moving target as opposed to remaining fixed on reaching our own unique potential.  We would be much more effective in setting a bar high based on our own individual goals and then working hard to achieve our full potential.

As we continue to exercise the discipline to “be me and not you,” we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® for us to reach our full potential.

Tolstoy once said, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

No divorce is the same, and no child experiences their parent’s divorce in the same way. In the United States, 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. (Source)

The transition of a divorce may be one of the most impactful transitions. Here are some tips to manage it for yourself and your child.

Taking care of yourself (Source)

The difficulties of divorce and living your life without the person you once depended on can cause a rush of emotions and may come on when you least expect them. It is important to feel and accept those emotions, whatever they may be, but it is also important to be kind and compassionate to yourself. Research shows that those who are kind and compassionate to themselves have an easier time managing the day-to-day difficulties of divorce.

Even though communication with your soon to be ex or ex may be the last thing you want to do, it is important to do so to ensure a smooth and healthy transition. Write down points that you want to talk about so your emotions don’t take over and speak for you when you are trying to have a successful conversation with your ex.

When children are involved 

Ending a marriage causes a wave of emotions, especially when you have children together. If you are worried about your child during you and your ex’s divorce, it is important to know that most children of divorced parents adjust to their parent’s divorce within two years, whereas children whose parents remain in their high conflict relationship, instead of getting a divorce experience more problems. (Source)

Your life and your kid’s life will drastically change during and after the divorce. In order to make this transition smoother for the entire family, encourage honest and open conversations and discuss the new transitions together such as moving houses, the custody agreement, and make sure your kids know you and your ex will always support and love them. Even though you and your ex may not get along, always encourage and support the relationship between your ex and your child.

For the kids

Change is hard, especially drastic and emotional change. When your parents get a divorce you feel like your family is broken; but it’s not. Your parents still love you, and you were not the reason for them breaking up.

Being a child of divorced parents can put a lot of pressure on you. You may feel like you have to choose between one parent or the other, like you can’t talk about them to each other, or like you can’t be with them at the same time. But this shouldn’t be the case; it is important to maintain a close relationship with each parent.

For more help and advice with the transition from elementary school to middle school check out Harvest Time Partner’s Face to Face conversation games.

Harvest Time Partners thanks contributing writer Emily Garber for her insights on life’s transitions.

As we continue on our journey of building and strengthening our character, an important point to remember is that there is no finish line. 

I often use the enclosed graphic in speaking with people to highlight three realities along our journey: (1) There is no finish line with regards to our impact on the relationships around us.  Even in death, the legacy of our relationships lives on in the lives of those left behind (2) All important relationships endure some significant ups and downs and (3) When we choose to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles like honesty, compassion, and sacrifice, we strengthen our character and our relationships. When we fail to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by those same principles, we weaken our character and our relationships.

It is not uncommon in these discussions that the topic of personal sustainability comes up.  How can we sustain our efforts along this journey when we are told (a) there is no finish line (in essence, what is our pace for a race that has no finish line?) (b) there are some significant high points combined with some pretty significant low points, and (c) we need to take responsibility for the relationship even though it “takes two to tango.”

Below are three suggestions that I often offer to provide some support and encouragement to keep moving forward and I hope they are uplifting to you as well.

Stay Humble:  We really do reap what we sow as defined in the Law of the Harvest.  This is a very well-worn, principled path to achievement.  Although life is not always fair, more times than not, if we set a goal, make a plan to achieve that goal, work hard over time on delivering on the plan, we will reap a harvest and accomplish the goal.  We need to be careful not to let the momentum of our success build our pride as we will have a tendency to miss warning signs of pending challenges and our decision making will start to rely on our own track record and fail to take the counsel of others.  If we do not stay humble, the transparency that is our new reality has a tendency to crush our pride in very public and painful ways.  Stay humble.

Stay Hungry:  One of the biggest threats to building and strengthening our character and our relationships is when we get complacent and comfortable.  When we deny the reality that our journey will be filled with ups and downs, we get comfortable and complacent in so-called “good times.”  We fail to spend energy learning and growing in our relationships.  When our bellies are full, the bills are paid, and the sun is shining, we still need to hunger after raising the bar on ourselves and our relationships by delivering on the basics: serving more than taking, understanding more than judging, and listening more than talking.  Stay hungry.

Stay in the Ring:  No one is perfect and we all fall short from time to time.  It is important that we do not quit the fight when we make mistakes.   We should stay in the ring and keep fighting the good fight.  There is no more important game in town than building and strengthening our character and our relationships to have a positive impact along our journey.  Don’t choose to become a spectator, no matter how many times we fall short.  Stay in the ring.

As we stay humble, stay hungry, and stay in the ring, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity® to strengthen our relationships and have a greater impact in our homes, our businesses, and our communities.