We hear a great deal today about the culture in our communities, the workplace, our schools, and our connections with social media.  The culture, whether spoken or unspoken, is that shared set of values, attitudes, and social practices that set the tone for how we interact.

We all want a culture and a community where we can be free and safe to reach our full potential, hurting people can get the help they need, there is a willingness to listen and learn from different points of view, and there is steady progress in making the future better for the next few generations.

Creating the culture we desire starts with each one of us, not with someone else.  As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, we need to not wait for the new boss, the new mayor, the new president, or the new leader to show up and declare a new culture, we need to leverage the connections we have around us to build the culture we desire.

Psychologists and social observers would say we all tend to look towards a leader, a king, a president or someone with social status to drive the agenda on culture and community.  This behavior helps us avoid the burden of responsibility when things go wrong. However, the truth is that culture and community emerge from the behaviors we exhibit in the connections we make day by day regardless of what we see and hear from those in traditional seats of power and influence. The entertainment industry, business, politics, and our communities have their own culture, not because of one person, but because of the shared behaviors of individuals over time.

As we look to build the culture and community we desire, here are few practical realities to help us stay on an effective path:

1. Culture is the most powerful force we have to create the kind of community we wish to live in.
2. Culture moves at glacial speed. It slowly grinds along and takes enormous effort to change direction, but where and when it moves, it changes things fundamentally for a very, very long time. Glaciers have enormous power, just like culture, but they don’t change course because of the occasional severe storm or heat wave.  They move and change with purposeful, long-term intention and decision.
3. Culture is not created by a new boss, king or president. It is created by each one of us. Leadership can certainly help or hurt the culture, but how we behave with those around us directs the path of the glacier of culture in our communities.
4. Culture starts within our homes. The initial behavior patterns of how we treat others with respect, how we show compassion, how we help others, how we deal with differences is all learned in the home.  The glacier of culture in our communities, workplace and world has its genesis in the home.

Regardless of our past experiences or current situation, we can start today to shift the direction of the glacier.

As we commit to daily actions anchored on principles like loyalty, teamwork, and understanding, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to shape the culture and the community in which we wish to live and direct the glacier to positively impact the next few generations.

Our world continues to grow in complexity…and opportunity for those who are open to learn.

Most of us would not prefer to live back in the stone age or even early American life where things seemed to be less complicated.  However, the challenge for all of us who desire to be best we can be at home, at work and in our communities, is are we open to learn?

“The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” — Alvin Toffler

As we continue our journey to build and strengthen our character, maintaining a mindset that is open to learn will be a great asset as we work to reach our full potential and be a positive example to those around us.

The facts are clear that if we don’t remain open to learn, we will fall behind in our relationships, our careers, and our ability to impact this world. However, we all face a few common obstacles in remaining open to learn: (1) It is simply much more comfortable to just stick with what we know as it takes extra effort to learn new things (2) When we try to learn new things, we often reveal a few of our weaknesses which can be emotionally tough for us to endure (3) Learning new things may show us that we were not effective (or just plain wrong) with our prior choices which can be a difficult truth to admit.

We live in the most exciting of times as the pace of change and transformation is almost unimaginable and as we remain open to learn, we will discover opportunities to be the best we can be for those we care about most.  Here are a few thoughts to encourage all of us to remain open to learn:

• We remain youthful. It is quite often the youth of a generation that drives new thinking and progress.  As we remain open to learn, we regain a bit of youthful excitement for the opportunity of life even if our muscles and bones don’t feel too youthful.
• We gain wisdom. As we remain open to learn, we should not dismiss the fact that prior experiences are still valuable in order to minimize the risk of re-learning mistakes from the past as we journey into new areas. Wisdom, gained from the past, is still extremely relevant in times of great change.
• We remain relevant. We run the risk of being marginalized and left behind in a rapidly changing world if we don’t remain open to learn. We remain relevant to those around us as we participate and learn in our ever-changing world.
• We become rich. “An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.” Ben Franklin. As we learn new things, we will live a rich life in which money is not the currency and it can’t be taken away without our permission.

As we remain open to learn with the support of principles like courage, commitment and sacrifice, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to be our best for those around us.

Many of us struggle with making decisions.

• Decisions in the workplace can often be avoided as we seek more data or more time to see things develop
• Decisions in the home may not seem as urgent and it can often seem harmless by pushing them off for another day
• Decisions in our community often face the complexity of rules and regulations that make it easier to just blame the bureaucracy than to make a decision to change

As we continue our journey to build and strengthen our character, developing the discipline to make decisions will enable us to translate thoughts into actions and take us further down the path to reaching our full potential.

Experts in decision making and perhaps our own personal experience would remind us of a few realities about avoiding a decision: (a) A critical question to ask ourselves is are we just afraid of taking the responsibility that comes with deciding? Afraid of what may result in a failure, embarrassment or something worse and (b) Delaying a decision is in fact a decision that has consequences.

As we look to strengthen our decision-making ability, below are a few thoughts on helping us all move forward:

1. Decisions matter. Making decisions teaches us personal responsibility and over time, we become a product of our decisions.  Our environment and genetics become a side show over time and as an adult, we need to face the reality that we become products of our decisions, not our environment or upbringing.
2. Decisions bring clarity. When making decisions, we are often choosing one path over another. Clarity is a more effective state than ambiguity.  Speaking the decision (to ourselves and/or others) can act as a physical reinforcement of the decision we are making. “I am making a decision to…” It often provides the clarity we need to move forward.
3. Decision making is hard. In making a decision, we inevitably face the reality of potentially making a poor choice, upsetting those who don’t agree, and standing all alone.
4. Not deciding can bring more harm than good. Failing to decide helps us avoid responsibility which is never a good thing, leaves others wondering where we stand which creates distance in our relationships, and burns precious energy as we churn in neutral as oppose to focusing our energy down a certain path.

As we rely on principles such as courage, resilience, and hope to become more intentional about making decisions, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to reach our full potential and have a positive impact on those around us.

We all have a past.

If each one of us spent enough time unpacking it all we would uncover some experiences, that no matter how long ago they occurred, can still make us feel good about ourselves and some experiences that make a us feel a bit down on ourselves and still some experiences, quite frankly, we are probably just thankful our mother never found out and they never made the front page of the local paper or the YouTube highlight reel.

Regardless of the unique events of our pasts, the similarity we share is that our experiences still follow us today.  Our past experiences are either holding us back or they form a firm foundation to propel us to reach our full potential.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, a critical step we need to take is to develop a healthy view of our past in order to not let some painful experiences follow us with a dark cloud that limits the view of our full potential.

If we spent some time working through our past with someone caring and skilled, we probably would come to realize that we still hold on to some of these experiences in an unhealthy way.  If we spent enough time and worked really hard on unpacking our past with someone caring and skilled, we would probably uncover some experiences that we may have thought we dismissed or did not initially recall but are actually still holding us back from being our best selves.

The reality is we have experiences in our memory both at the conscious and unconscious levels that impact how we view our past as it relates to reaching our full potential in the future.

We all need some help to be our best selves.  Below are a few thoughts on developing a healthy view of our past which will enable us to create the foundation to reach our full potential in the present and future:

• Rise Above to better understand. As we view experiences in the past, it is important that we “rise above” to take a view of all the people and events in order to process the full situation. Like a coach in a skybox, rising above will help us see the full field of play and understand the chain of events surrounding our experience.  For example, we may come to realize someone who hurt us in the past was dealing with an overwhelming set of circumstances and acted from a deeply trouble situation. The improved understand of the events may not excuse the behavior but understanding will help us process our experiences in more healthy way.
• Assess and Learn to grow. Once we improve our understanding, then we can focus on fully assessing the situation and learning from the experience. Learning from the past, as opposed to condemnation, shame and/or bitterness, is the healthy pathway through pain in our past that will support personal growth.
• Adjust and Move Forward to our future. Our past should not limit us, regardless of our experiences.  If we can process events in a healthy way, we can adjust our mindset and form a strong foundation to keep moving forward to reach higher and realize our full potential.

No matter how “down” we use to feel about a past experience, if we focus on learning and growing, we can create a healthy mindset around some pretty difficult experiences and use them to bring about the bright future we desire. As we guide our thoughts about our past by principles such as understanding, courage, and compassion, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity to build hope for the future for ourselves and those close to us.

There is a part of us that would like to believe the world we live in could be stable and unchanging…and happily ever after. The reality is we live in an endless cycle of change in every aspect of our lives.

As soon as we charge up our new phone, chances are high it will immediately need some patches to download to keep it functional.

As soon as the township re-paves a main road, it only looks perfect for about a day until we discover the sharp edge of a raised sewer drain.

As soon as we are a seasoned parent of a middle schooler, kids move into high school and we imperfectly face a whole new set of parenting challenges.

As soon as we gain a good degree of confidence in our chosen field, the marketplace shifts rapidly, and we find ourselves in need of some new skills to remain competitive.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, improving our resilience is needed to effectively address the endless cycle of change in our lives.

The good news is that academic research and real-life experience would demonstrate that resilience can be consistently improved over time. As our world continues to grow more complex and uncertain, here are few thoughts to encourage a focus on improving our own personal resilience:

• Accept the Truth: It is important that we accept the universal and timeless truth that life is an endless cycle of change. It is not emotionally healthy to remain fixated on a false hope that change will not be a constant in our lives.
• Change Brings Growth: We only learn through change and disruption. For most of us, if we looked back on our own life experience we would see that when things did appear relatively stable, we typically became complacent, unproductive and may be even a bit lazy.
• Forget Perfection: For all practical purposes, it is impossible to be perfect in a world that is constantly changing. It is emotionally healthy to find some peace in our own imperfections. We should not become satisfied with our imperfections, but just find some peace as work to improve upon them. In addition, it would be helpful to find some peace with the imperfections of others, especially those closest to us. They are facing an endless barrage of change too.
• Principles Remain: Even in a world of endless change, there are timeless, universal principles such as loyalty, commitment, compassion and teamwork that can steady us and grow our resilience as we journey along.

As we continue to improve our resilience to address the reality of ongoing, disruptive change in our lives, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to reach our hopes and dreams and stay close to those we care about most.

We have all felt overwhelmed from time to time. Feeling “flooded” is a nice, polite way psychologists describe our situation when we feel we have reached a final breaking point in relationships, careers, and other endeavors.

There is no denying that our experiences in the home, school, workplace, and community continue to grow more complex and create new challenges for all of us to reach our hopes and dreams.

As our situations continue to get more challenging, the principles we rely on to keep moving forward in our journey do not change. As we guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions based on principles such as courage, perseverance, loyalty, and faith, we will more often than not, make the most effective choices to address the complex reality we are all facing. Techniques may change, but principles are timeless and universal to support our cause.

Throughout history, as the challenges seemed to grow greater, principle-based actions of individuals and movements rose to the occasion to overcome. If we all took a moment to reflect on our own story, I am confident we would find times where we faced seemingly insurmountable challenges and managed to overcome.

However, there has always be one clear warning sign that if not addressed, will turn a near term derailment into a permanent loss in the pursuit of our goals. This warning sign is a more formidable obstacle in achieving our goals than the actual challenge we face. This clear warning sign is when our thoughts, decisions, and actions are guided by the phrase, “I just don’t care anymore.”

Apathy is the real enemy in the long journey to pursue our hopes and dreams.

When we come to the point of not caring about the important issues within our families, the challenges of our chosen profession, the pursuit of education throughout our lives, or service in our communities, then the battle is over. Sun Tzu said, “Every battle is won or lost before it’s ever fought.”

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, we must continue to care about the things that matter most, even in the face of extreme difficulty and struggle.

Here a few thoughts to identify and address apathy before it gets a tight grip on us:

• Self-Assessment: No one knows our inner thoughts, but us. It is critical that we “look in the mirror” and continue to assess the genesis of our own thoughts that drive our decisions and actions. An honest self-assessment is our best tool to identify apathy in our mindset.
• Choices: We can only effectively give our energy to a few causes. The world is too challenging to give partial effort and expect to make a difference. We need the discipline to clearly choose whether to go “all in” or don’t go at all. In today’s vernacular, my kids would say, “Go big or go home.” We should determine what we care about most and act accordingly.
• Long-term: There is no cause worth pursuing that will have an “overnight success.” There will always be a series ups and downs…sometimes extreme ups and downs. It is important we don’t get too elated or too down in the short run but focus on staying the course and caring throughout the long journey to reach our hopes and dreams.
• Observation and Action: Be on the lookout for this clear warning sign in others. Apathy can metastasize like a cancer within families, the workplace, and our communities. We all need some courage to have the difficult conversation when we see apathy in others and share an encouraging word about the importance of addressing it and overcoming for the good of the family, the team, or community.

As we continue to guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions by principles such as sacrifice, commitment, and understanding, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to keep apathy out of our lives and away from those we care about most.

Have you ever been in a situation where you had no clue about what someone was talking about or no understanding about a concept that a group of friends or colleagues were discussing?  Most of us have an experience or two like that and we will most likely have more as we continue along in our lives.

We have all heard the old saying, “there are no stupid questions.” However, we have all experienced a few times when that has not always been true and so our tendency is to keep quiet, muddle through, and hope we won’t look like a complete fool in the discussion.

The problem with keeping quiet and muddling through is that without asking questions to gain understanding, we don’t add new insights to our experience, we waste some time and energy when we are confused, our growth is hindered, and we fall short of reaching our full potential.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important that we build the courage to ask questions that can help us learn and grow.

We learn and grow when we move beyond our current borders. One very simple and effective way to grow is to have the courage to ask a question when we don’t understand.

There continues to be a steady stream of published research on the benefits of asking questions that should be a source of support and encouragement to all of us to ask questions when we don’t understand.  In reviewing many of these studies, I thought the three take-aways below were most helpful to build our courage to raise our hand and ask the question:

1. When we ask questions to better understand a topic, we learn (not too surprising).
2. When we ask people a question about a topic or idea they are discussing, we provide them with some encouragement and a boost of confidence. People feel better about themselves when they are genuinely asked a question from someone who wants to learn.  Encouragement and confidence is a wonderful gift we can give someone just by asking a question.
3. When we ask people a question and they feel affirmed and a little more confident about themselves, they think more highly of the person who asked them the question. So as opposed to having that not so hidden glaze of confusion on our faces, by asking the question, we elevate our potential in the eyes of others. Helping others to see our full potential is a door opener to a world of possibilities for us and those we care about most.

As the saying goes, repetition builds retention, so here is a quick summary.  When we ask questions (1) We learn (2) We encourage others (3) People end up thinking more highly of us.

The next time we are involved in a discussion around an idea or a concept we don’t understand, stop and ask a question…every time.  With this small change in our behavior, we will ensure we keep heading in an effective direction to reach our hopes and dreams.

When we develop the courage to ask a question, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to learn, grow, and reach our full potential.

This is the third and final segment of a message on the importance of how we can effectively address the negative drains of energy on a personal level.

As a reminder from last week, there is a great deal written about the importance of a positive mindset, counting our blessings, looking at the bright side of events and how that positive mindset can create a renewable source of personal energy to make progress in reaching our hopes and dreams.  However, we do not have a great deal written about or discussed on how we deal with the negative, unproductive drains of energy on a personal level.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, effectively dealing with the negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy will help us remain on a productive path to reach our full potential.

Parts I & II of the message addressed Worry and the trifecta of negative energy Anger-Bitterness-Resentment. In part III of the message, we will address the negative energy associated with being Lost.

Most of us lose our way from time to time.  Whether we are on the highway towards a new vacation spot or on the proverbial “highway of life,” we get off track, veer off our original plans and eventually realize we are lost. In both situations, we spend a great deal of unproductive energy wandering around when we could be more productive with our energy if we took some time to figured out where we are and where we need to go.

There are a few simple, but often underutilized steps to minimize this unproductive energy drain and free up capacity for positive energy to move us forward.

When lost on “the street” searching for a destination, here are a few simple steps: (1) Stop and ask for directions much sooner than we have in the past. (2) Instead of yelling at our travel companions, we should ask for their help.  They bring a different perspective from their seat and at this point, a different point of view maybe just what we need to help. (3) When in doubt, upgrade the software on your GPS.

When lost on the “highway of life” searching for a destination, here are a few ideas: (1) Acknowledge we came off the path at some point and are now lost. No sense playing the blame game or feeling regrets. Just simply acknowledge we are lost and getting nowhere. (2) Spend some quality time alone and with a few people you can be very “real” with who won’t move quickly to judgement, shame, or a quick fix to your current situation.  Spend the time necessary to figure out where you want to go and make a plan to get there. Spending the time upfront is critical, but so few of us actually do it.  Einstein is noted to have said that if he had one hour to save the world he would spend fifty-five minutes defining the problem and only five minutes finding the solution.   We should use a similar construct as we determine our life’s destination.  Where do we want to go?  Send some time thinking about that critically important question. (3) Make the decision to start heading out in a particular direction, buckle-up and learn to enjoy the journey.

As we take steps to minimize the negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity to achieve our hopes and dreams.

This is the second part of a three part message on the importance of how we can effectively address the negative drains of energy on a personal level.

As a reminder from last week, there is a great deal written about the importance of a positive mindset, counting our blessings, looking at the bright side of events and how that positive mindset can create a renewable source of personal energy to make progress in reaching our hopes and dreams.  However, we do not have a great deal written about or discussed on how we deal with the negative, unproductive drains of energy on a personal level.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, effectively dealing with the negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy will help us remain on a productive path to reach our full potential.

From part I of the message, we addressed worry as a major drain on our personal energy.  In part II of the message, we will address the trifecta of negative energy Anger-Bitterness-Resentment

We could break these three apart, but they have a tendency to travel together.  We typically hold onto these negative feelings when someone did something to us or said something to us that we felt was unkind, unjustified, or was the truth we were just not ready to accept.  In addition, sometimes we become envious of someone else and these three negative feelings often consistently follow on the heels of envy.  Although we may be pretty good at rationalizing our way into these feelings, the reality is that they result in an unhealthy level of negative energy and need to be addressed.

Below are three actions we can take to minimize the negative energy around feelings of anger-bitterness-resentment.

1. Ignore: “Shake it off” or let it roll off you like “water off a duck’s back.” This is the most passive, easiest path to take and like most easy things, returns the smallest reward in terms of minimizing negative energy.  However, it is a good step in an effective direction.
2. Forgive: This is where things get tougher. Genuinely giving up our perceived right to “get even” and hurt someone back can provide us with a boost of positive energy as we clear the issue from our plate of activities.  Eliminating the negative energy around the grind of “getting even” or stewing over the misdeed through forgiveness can free up a tremendous amount of capacity for positive energy to replace the void.  Most often, as we seek a greater level of understanding around the issue and the individual who hurt us, forgiveness quite naturally follows understanding.  Forgiveness involves a little more risk, more effort, and returns a potentially bigger reward.
3. Grace: This is the most difficult of all steps.  Basically, grace is going out of our way to be kind, considerate, and a blessing to someone who we feel hurt us.  This takes a great deal of effort and more often than not, produces the greatest rewards measured over a lifetime.   Demonstrating grace is the biggest game changing step to take any relationship in a positive direction.  It has an exponential effect on the amount of positive energy within an individual and an equally significant impact on reducing or eliminating negative energy when we have been hurt.  Demonstrating grace is not for the weak or faint of heart and the rewards, measured over the long journey of life, are unmatched in building healthy, strong relationships…especially those within our family.

As we take steps to minimize the negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity to achieve our hopes and dreams.

In Part III we will address the negative energy of being Lost on the street and on the journey of life.

As a society, we talk a great deal about the importance of conserving our natural resources and utilizing renewable energy sources as much as possible to sustain our way of life.  On a personal level, a great deal has been written about the importance of a positive mindset, counting our blessings, looking at the bright side of events and how that positive mindset can create a renewable source of personal energy to make progress in reaching our hopes and dreams.

On the flip side in terms of ways to reduce how we waste energy, as a society, we again do a good job of reminding ourselves to turn off the lights, drive less aggressively, open the windows as opposed to turn on the air conditioning, etc. as ways to minimize the negative drain on our natural resources.   However, unlike the positive mindset on a personal level, we do not have a great deal written about or discussed on how we deal with the negative, unproductive drains of energy on a personal level.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, effectively dealing with the negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy will help us remain on a productive path to reach our full potential.

There are some common sources of negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy that we need to address.  It would be a bit disingenuous for any of us to say we do not deal with negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy from time to time.  Over the course of the next three writings, we are going to shine some light on three common problem areas, in the hope that we can more effectively deal with them.

Part I:  Worry

Many of us struggle with worry in a number of areas of life.  We worry about our family, work, finances, personal safety, etc.  Many of these things are big and important.  Also, we probably worry about the not so big and important things like how we compare to others in our personal and professional lives.  Worry can be a significant drain of energy in our lives.  Sustaining high levels of worry is unhealthy and needs to be addressed.

Below are a few thoughts to address the drain on energy that worry causes:

1. Focus on controlling what we can control. We can only make consistent, meaningful progress on how we respond to events and we cannot control how other people respond.  Focus energy on what we can control…our own thoughts, decisions, and actions.
2. Take small, initial steps of action. We can effectively replace the negative energy around worry when we take a positive step towards addressing the concern.  Begin by making a modest plan and start working the plan.  For example, we can make steady progress by simply beginning to think and journal about our worries and struggles. Eventually, we will build up the courage to take the next larger step. We don’t need to take big, bold steps; small steps in the right direction are all we need to reduce the negative, unproductive drain of energy from a difficult situation.
3. Looking back on our experience. History is a great teacher, if we are willing to learn. The vast majority of things we worry about never happen.

As we take steps to minimize the negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity to achieve our hopes and dreams.

In Part II we will address the trifecta of negative energy, Anger-Bitterness-Resentment. In Part III we will address the negative energy of being Lost on the street and on the journey of life.