Addressing the Negative Part II – Character Creates Opportunity®: Thursday, May 31, 2018

This is the second part of a three part message on the importance of how we can effectively address the negative drains of energy on a personal level.

As a reminder from last week, there is a great deal written about the importance of a positive mindset, counting our blessings, looking at the bright side of events and how that positive mindset can create a renewable source of personal energy to make progress in reaching our hopes and dreams.  However, we do not have a great deal written about or discussed on how we deal with the negative, unproductive drains of energy on a personal level.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, effectively dealing with the negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy will help us remain on a productive path to reach our full potential.

From part I of the message, we addressed worry as a major drain on our personal energy.  In part II of the message, we will address the trifecta of negative energy Anger-Bitterness-Resentment

We could break these three apart, but they have a tendency to travel together.  We typically hold onto these negative feelings when someone did something to us or said something to us that we felt was unkind, unjustified, or was the truth we were just not ready to accept.  In addition, sometimes we become envious of someone else and these three negative feelings often consistently follow on the heels of envy.  Although we may be pretty good at rationalizing our way into these feelings, the reality is that they result in an unhealthy level of negative energy and need to be addressed.

Below are three actions we can take to minimize the negative energy around feelings of anger-bitterness-resentment.

  1. Ignore: “Shake it off” or let it roll off you like “water off a duck’s back.” This is the most passive, easiest path to take and like most easy things, returns the smallest reward in terms of minimizing negative energy.  However, it is a good step in an effective direction.
  2. Forgive: This is where things get tougher. Genuinely giving up our perceived right to “get even” and hurt someone back can provide us with a boost of positive energy as we clear the issue from our plate of activities.  Eliminating the negative energy around the grind of “getting even” or stewing over the misdeed through forgiveness can free up a tremendous amount of capacity for positive energy to replace the void.  Most often, as we seek a greater level of understanding around the issue and the individual who hurt us, forgiveness quite naturally follows understanding.  Forgiveness involves a little more risk, more effort, and returns a potentially bigger reward.
  3. Grace: This is the most difficult of all steps.  Basically, grace is going out of our way to be kind, considerate, and a blessing to someone who we feel hurt us.  This takes a great deal of effort and more often than not, produces the greatest rewards measured over a lifetime.   Demonstrating grace is the biggest game changing step to take any relationship in a positive direction.  It has an exponential effect on the amount of positive energy within an individual and an equally significant impact on reducing or eliminating negative energy when we have been hurt.  Demonstrating grace is not for the weak or faint of heart and the rewards, measured over the long journey of life, are unmatched in building healthy, strong relationships…especially those within our family.

As we take steps to minimize the negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity to achieve our hopes and dreams.

In Part III we will address the negative energy of being Lost on the street and on the journey of life.

Addressing the Negative Part I – Character Creates Opportunity®: Thursday, May 24, 2018

As a society, we talk a great deal about the importance of conserving our natural resources and utilizing renewable energy sources as much as possible to sustain our way of life.  On a personal level, a great deal has been written about the importance of a positive mindset, counting our blessings, looking at the bright side of events and how that positive mindset can create a renewable source of personal energy to make progress in reaching our hopes and dreams.

On the flip side in terms of ways to reduce how we waste energy, as a society, we again do a good job of reminding ourselves to turn off the lights, drive less aggressively, open the windows as opposed to turn on the air conditioning, etc. as ways to minimize the negative drain on our natural resources.   However, unlike the positive mindset on a personal level, we do not have a great deal written about or discussed on how we deal with the negative, unproductive drains of energy on a personal level.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, effectively dealing with the negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy will help us remain on a productive path to reach our full potential.

There are some common sources of negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy that we need to address.  It would be a bit disingenuous for any of us to say we do not deal with negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy from time to time.  Over the course of the next three writings, we are going to shine some light on three common problem areas, in the hope that we can more effectively deal with them.

Part I:  Worry

Many of us struggle with worry in a number of areas of life.  We worry about our family, work, finances, personal safety, etc.  Many of these things are big and important.  Also, we probably worry about the not so big and important things like how we compare to others in our personal and professional lives.  Worry can be a significant drain of energy in our lives.  Sustaining high levels of worry is unhealthy and needs to be addressed.

Below are a few thoughts to address the drain on energy that worry causes:

  1. Focus on controlling what we can control. We can only make consistent, meaningful progress on how we respond to events and we cannot control how other people respond.  Focus energy on what we can control…our own thoughts, decisions, and actions.
  2. Take small, initial steps of action. We can effectively replace the negative energy around worry when we take a positive step towards addressing the concern.  Begin by making a modest plan and start working the plan.  For example, we can make steady progress by simply beginning to think and journal about our worries and struggles. Eventually, we will build up the courage to take the next larger step. We don’t need to take big, bold steps; small steps in the right direction are all we need to reduce the negative, unproductive drain of energy from a difficult situation.
  3. Looking back on our experience. History is a great teacher, if we are willing to learn. The vast majority of things we worry about never happen.

As we take steps to minimize the negative, unproductive drains on our personal energy, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity to achieve our hopes and dreams.

In Part II we will address the trifecta of negative energy, Anger-Bitterness-Resentment. In Part III we will address the negative energy of being Lost on the street and on the journey of life.

The Valley – Character Creates Opportunity®: Thursday, May 17, 2018

“Yes – I can do this!”  We have all been there at some point.  We start out with a great deal of energy and excitement as we head into our journey towards that next big objective.

Many times we encounter some catalyst for change brought on by a meaningful event in our lives:  A significant change in our personal life, the ideas of a great speaker, the insightful guidance from a friend or family member, or some helpful concept in a book.  Some situation triggered our response to get motivated to take on that next challenge and go after another well intentioned goal.  We take off from that mountain top “high” with a great deal of enthusiasm.

After traveling a little ways into our journey, we eventually find ourselves off the mountain top “high” and into the valley.  The valley we encounter towards our objective is difficult.  The ability to clearly see our goal gets more challenging and somehow the journey does not seem as exciting as when we set off from the mountain top.

I am sure we can all relate to a few valley moments:

  • After some time in a new job, when our coworkers and boss don’t seem as supportive as they did at the start and the work is no longer exciting
  • After some time of progress on our new diet and exercise routine, things slow down a little and we notice a few pounds creeping back on the scale
  • When that “sweet bundle of joy” we brought home from the hospital becomes angry and rebellious
  • When the “I do” in marriage becomes “when you know what freezes over”
  • When a poor choice brings about a bad outcome and there is no hiding from the consequence

We could all come up with a good laundry list of excuses to quit when we are struggling in the valley…and some of them are legitimate.  Storms do come and destroy much of what we tried to build, tragedy does strike, people do fail to keep up their end of the contract, etc., etc. 

However, for the vast majority of our endeavors, the consistent application of timeless, universal, and self-evident principles like courage, commitment, loyalty, and perseverance will rarely cause us to fall short of crossing through the valley and reaching the next mountain top in our journey.   

Below are a few suggestions around these principles to support moving through the valley and up to the next mountain top:

  1. Set Priorities: We cannot do everything.  Be very selective and declare a clear “yes” or a clear “no” so our energy can be channeled into a few really important goals.
  2. Be Intentional: “Winging it” or “going with the flow” is not an effective strategy. We need to be intentional about outlining the direction we are heading and the habits we need to keep moving forward. 
  3. Develop Effective Habits: This should be the mechanical process of day in and day out developing the thoughts, decisions and actions that will deliver on our plan. Our habits will help keep us heading in the right direction when we are in the darkness of the valley.

We will all have our share of valley moments throughout life.  However, when our habits (thoughts, decisions, and actions) are guided by principles like perseverance, commitment, loyalty, and sacrifice, we build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity to move through the valleys and achieve that next milestone in our journey.

The Smorgasbord Dilemma – Character Creates Opportunity®: Thursday, May 10, 2018

The smorgasbord concept became a part of the American restaurant scene after the Swedish brought this part of their culture to the 1939 New York World’s Fair.  Most baby boomer generation families will remember the original all you can eat concept as the smorgasbord.  Somewhere over the last 30 years or so, the term smorgasbord has been replaced by the All You Can Eat buffet in our current vernacular. 

Regardless of the term we use, the all you can eat buffet concept is still with us today.  What a wonderful blessing.  I can eat all I want of a variety of foods: fruits, vegetables, meats, breads, soups, and of course, desserts, for just one low price.  In addition, the different likes and dislikes of everyone in the group are seamlessly addressed and there are almost no complaints about the choices.

Unfortunately, we all know what often happens at the buffet.  We eat way too much.  We regret the choices we made as we walk out the door and uncomfortably squeeze into the car for the drive home.

In today’s world, we have a virtual smorgasbord in every area of our lives.  The old style industrial concept of whoever is in power determines what styles are stocked on store shelves, music stores, bookstores, and certainly what we watch on television, has been flattened with the efficiencies of point and click convenience in today’s world.

We all can get what we want, when we want it, often for prices that seem unbelievably low…many times for free.

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, the “all you can eat” lifestyle presents us with some challenges to ensure we don’t overeat in too many areas and to ensure we take full advantage of the opportunities to customize and support our own unique style.

Here are a few thoughts to help guide us as we walk up and down the smorgasbord table of today’s reality:

  • Choices. The number of options in life has exploded.  We can start our “dream” business overnight with an easy to build website.  We can customize the sneakers we buy.  We can watch our favorite TV show when we want to watch it.  We can go to classes at Harvard online for free.  Now, more than ever, we have to determine priorities and make choices. “Winging it” with all of the opportunities available to us today, will cause most of us to overeat everywhere and regret not making specific choices.
  • Responsibility. With choices, comes responsibility.  We can no longer say, “Well, I just did not have the opportunity.”  We are no longer confined to what is on a store shelf to get what best fits our unique style. We are no longer confined to the public library or an expensive degree program to get a formal education.  When we overeat at the dessert table instead of eating some fruits and vegetables, we can’t play the blame game.
  • Individuality. Many times in life, our unique talents, gifts, and desires get minimized in the mass production model of our industrialized world.  We picked certain careers based on what we saw around us and some perceived set of expectations.  We wore the clothes that seemed to help us fit into those expectations and through it all, we have minimized our own uniqueness. Today’s “all you can eat” opportunities give us a chance to re-birth our uniqueness in areas of work, family, fashion, and culture. We all should do a little soul searching to make sure we did not lose who we are based on some past confinements.  We should exercise the courage to be ourselves. 
  • Time. We all have some uncommitted time. Time when we are not on the job or at school, taking care of critical responsibilities at home, or working in some other area of service.  With today’s “all you can eat” entertainment offerings, we run the risk of overeating on entertainment under the concept of just needing some time to chill out, veg out, or honestly admitting to wanting to be a coach potato for the evening.  Our point and click entertainment choices combined with everyone’s personal electronic devices presents a unique and complex challenge to “family time” being customized to everyone going into their corner of the room with their own entertainment device.  The entertainment industry no longer controls a limited offering of watching Walter Cronkite deliver the evening news or I Love Lucy to make us laugh.  We all need to be vigilant to ensure we use our uncommitted time wisely and keep some family time as “together time.” 

With today’s “all you can eat” lifestyle, if we don’t guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions with principles like moderation, self-control, and discipline, we will soon realize that we can’t make pants or belts big enough to contain our habits.  However, when we effectively leverage these principles, combined with cultivating our own uniqueness, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity for us to learn, grow, and have a positive impact on those around us. 

A Lifetime of Cramming – Character Creates Opportunity®: Thursday, May 3, 2018

I am sure we can all relate to the strategy of cramming to study for that big end of semester exam.  We kind of paid attention throughout the semester, but in the end, we believed an all-night session of studying will be an effective option to make up for a semester in which we did not give our full attention.

More often than not, we probably found that despite all the warnings of how ineffective the cramming strategy was to learning, cramming for an exam seemed to result in the outcome we needed for the moment in that we passed the test. 

Unfortunately for many of us, we continually employ the cramming strategy we learned in school to solve many of life’s pressing challenges.  We cram in a great deal of catching up on relationships with that much needed date night and family vacation to shore up those critical, close relationships.  We provide the all-encompassing life skills motivational speech as we prepare children to leave the home for summer camp, college, or to move out on their own.  We have that upcoming class reunion, wedding, or annual health check-up and we figure we can starve our way into losing that much needed weight in the last few weeks before the event.  

As we continue on our journey to build and strengthen our character, it is important that we face the reality that we will fall short of our full potential if we deploy the cramming strategy to the really important things in life.

  • Building and sustaining a healthy relationship is not built on that one weekend get-away to rekindle love and caring.
  • Preparing children for life outside of “home sweet home” is not accomplished in a 15 minute send-off speech prior to that all too sudden good-bye.
  • Maintaining optimal health is not accomplished with the occasional crash diet and two week exercise routine.
  • Achieving financial freedom is not established through that one great idea for a get rich quick scheme.

The really important things in life will always be judged by one of the most important guiding principles of life, the Law of the Harvest. Simply, we reap what we sow.  

The law of the harvest, in the natural world, is as true as the law of gravity.  If we want to reap an abundant harvest of corn or soybeans, there is only one pathway to follow: The Law of the Harvest.  If we asked any farmer 2,000 years ago or one today in the fields of Nebraska, we would get the same general response.  There are no shortcuts to an abundant harvest. 

We cannot vacation in the spring and summer and then deploy our cramming strategy for an entire growing season in September.  There is no way to pay for the “Speed Pass” lane on the farm and there is no “Easy” button.  The natural law of the harvest will always be our judge.  Just like the law of gravity governs our eventual return to the ground no matter how high we jump, the law of the harvest governs our ability to produce our most essential food sources for life. 

The law of the harvest also governs our ability to reach our full potential in the most important areas of our lives.

When we face the reality that the cramming strategy we deployed in school will not produce the abundance we desire in the important areas of life and we being to take meaningful, consistent steps overtime to reap an abundant harvest, we will build and strengthen our character and Character Creates Opportunity to reach our full potential and have a positive impact on those around us.